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On occasion, Jay Spring believes he is “the greatest person on planet Earth”. As a diagnosed narcissist, his grandiose moments often turn “highly unrealistic”, he explains. You’re riding high and you think, ‘Everyone’s going to know that I stand above others … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

Regarding his experience, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are often succeeded by a “sudden low”, a period when he feels sensitive and self-conscious about his actions, leaving him highly sensitive to criticism from those around him. He first suspected he might have this personality condition after investigating his behaviors on the internet – and was later confirmed by a specialist. But, he questions he would have taken the label if he hadn’t independently formed that conclusion personally. “If you try to tell somebody that they have NPD, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – most notably if they experience a sense of being better. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they made for themselves. And in that mindset, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Although people have been identified with narcissism for decades, definitions vary what is meant by the diagnosis. People frequently term everybody a narcissist,” explains an expert in narcissism, noting the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he suggests many people keep it private, because of significant negative perception associated with the disorder. Someone with NPD will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “a lack of empathy”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to enhance their social status through behaviors including displaying material goods,” the professor says. Those with NPD may be “extremely narcissistic”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I’ve never cared about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Gender Differences in Narcissism

Though up to 75% of people found to have narcissistic personality disorder are men, research indicates this number does not mean there are a lower rate among women, but that narcissism in women is typically appears in the covert form, which is under-identified. “Men’s narcissism tends to be more socially permissible, just kind of like everything in society,” explains an individual who shares content on her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on digital platforms. It is not uncommon, the two disorders appear together.

First-Hand Experiences

“I really struggle with receiving negative comments and rejection,” she explains, whenever it’s suggested that the issue lies with me, I either go into a defensive state or I completely shut down.” Even with this behavior – which is sometimes referred to as “ego wounding”, she has been attempting to address it and take advice from her close relationships, as she doesn’t want to slip into the damaging patterns of her previous life. My past relationships were toxic to my partners in my youth,” she reveals. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to manage her condition better, and she says she and her significant other “have a dynamic where we’ve agreed, ‘When I speak manipulatively, if I say something manipulative, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing mainly in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of positive role models in her youth. It’s been a process of understanding continuously which behaviors are acceptable versus unacceptable to say during a fight because I lacked that guidance growing up,” she shares. “Nothing was off-limits when my relatives were insulting me during my childhood.”

Origins of NPD

These mental health issues tend to be linked to early life adversity. Genetics play a role,” explains a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone shows signs of narcissism, it is often “linked to that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “their strategy in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he adds, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting particular demands. They then “continue to use those same mechanisms as adults”.

In common with many of the individuals with NPD, a person from Leeds thinks his parents “could also have the disorder. The 38-year-old explains when he was a child, “their needs came first and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve high marks and life achievements, he says, which made him feel that if he didn’t meet their standards, he wasn’t “good enough”.

In adulthood, none of his relationships lasted. “I’ve never cared about anyone really,” he admits. As a result, relationships weren’t relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of loving someone, until he met his current partner of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, like him, struggles with emotional regulation. She is “highly empathetic of the thoughts that occur in my head”, he explains – it was surprisingly, she who first suspected he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

Following an appointment to his general practitioner, an assessment was arranged to a therapist for an evaluation and was told his diagnosis. He has been put forward for talking therapy on the public health system (ongoing counseling is the only treatment that has been shown to help NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the patient queue for a year and a half: It was indicated it is expected around early next year.”

He has shared with a few individuals about his NPD diagnosis, because “prejudice is common that every person with NPD is harmful”, but, privately, he has come to terms with it. This understanding allows me to gain insight into my behavior, which is always a good thing,” he says. Each individual have acknowledged their condition and are pursuing treatment for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the disorder. But the growth of NPD content creators and the rise of online support communities point to {more narcissists|a growing number